The Throwback: Week One

The Preamble

In case you haven't heard, Michael Jackson is dead. Y'know, didn't know if you had heard the word.

Hey 0-1 teams, chins up. At least you're not this guy. Or him. And you better thank your lucky stars you're not this guy. So, be a little grateful, you have 12 more weeks to make it up.

Speaking of making things up, you might have noticed that this is no longer the Weekly Retrospectacular. In its stead, we present to you, in the form of a very small JPEG (see above), The Throwback. New name, same snarky attitude. I'll wait for you to go tell your momma about this exciting change. Okay, okay. Don't get too excited.

So, in the same optimistic attitude we previously presented to you "losers", don't worry–be happy.

The Gloat of the Week

Late last night, I got an instant message from our esteemed Treasurer about the success of his team. I carefully reminded him of three things. First, the stigma attached to him as a perennial loser. Last year was just an anomaly. Second, the Throwback does not entirely base The Gloat of the Week based on ones point total (Ed. – Actually, this is exactly what we are going to do this year — The week's winner takes home $10 in his/her Acquisition Budget). Lastly, I pointed out the old adage of "The bigger they are, the harder they fall". As a bonus, I warned him about running the naked naked bootleg.

So, eat it all up Ben T., the Huron Heartbreakers are The Gloat of the Week.

(NL Supremacy gets on an honorable mention. It's impressive to get a "W" when your opponent puts up 131.97).

The Goat of the Week

In a bad case of "What H-Happened Was..." Tinea Cruris (do not do a Google Image search on unless you like penises) dropped the ball and his pants to show the league just what a sore loser looks like (don't worry Jason, Trice will treat you to that orgasmic dessert you both shared at On the Border). Again, The Throwback doesn't base these selection on the lowest score of the week, but it's pretty hard to ignore a loss as lopsided as this one. (Ed. Note – Again, this has changed. Look to see the Heartbreakers here this time next week)

This week's Goat of the Week is proudly awarded to Dr. Jason.

Game of the Week

In a week when the big guns ruled the school, the best one of the bunch was the slugfest between two of last year's regular season's heavyweights, Norfolk State (who crashed and burned) and the defending champion, NL Supremacy. Powered by his three keepers (P. Manning, R. Moss, and A. Peterson), the Supreme Leader overcame the 62 points posted by the "One Man Gang".

The Game Ball Goes ...

... to Tony Romo of the high-flying CoCo's All-Stars. Notice, keeper Chris Chambers laid a giant goose egg so it was up to Romo (43 points) to carry the C.C. A-Ss and prevent owner Cory S. from ending up with his own egg ... on his face.

And We're Out

First one to accurately guess the number of spelling and grammatical errors wins. We'll try better next week.