Testing, Testing ...

... is this thing on?

;-)

Week 7: The Parity (and Hilarity) Continue

The Preamble
The Throwback got a call this morning from HesAKeeper's publicist this morning. She wanted to know why her boys were not getting any publicity from our humble weekly wrap.

It's true, The Throwback has been neglecting all things Jamie Davis as of late, but the older Brother Davis should be relieved that he isn't incurring the wrath of the Throwback Curse.

So Keepers, we'll give you your due. You came out with a head of steam, bulldozed your way to a 5 and 0 start, and looked to be a early swashbuckling favorite. Despite the fact you've dropped two, The Throwback wants to dedicate this Preamble to you, Jam. Davis, a true action hero.

The Gloat of the Week

It almost makes crotch rot look good. — The Throwback, 2 Weeks Ago

My friends, I can confidently say that truer words have never been tip-tapped on a keyboard.

A few weeks ago we were all but ready to write-off Tinea Cruris. Yet, with big shots like Pierre Thomas, Mercedes Lewis, and Kris Brown, the Crotchweilers have reeled off two big wins over defending champion NL Supremacy and Norfolk State.

Okay, make that one big win.

As one of the lowest scoring teams in the league, apparently The Fightin’ Hams are going to have to do it with defense.

Congrats to Tinea Cruris as they can bluster at being The Gloat of the Week.

The Goat of the Week

It's just sad.

The Throwback has caught wind that The Kolber Kissers are strongly considering bringing in a coach-in-waiting.

Boneheaded moves have devolved into baffling tactics which is turning into the longest skid of the season. Y'know, the wrong kind of streak.

Sound the alarm, The Kolber Kissers are the Goat of the Week.

Our Very Scientific Power Rankings ... or Ranklings

Playoff, Ho!
1. Who's Ochocinco
2. HesAKeeper (Jamie)

Muddling In the Middle
3. Hen Pen
4. Fighting Gobblers
5. Now the Titans Suck

Who Cares? (In No Particular Order)
6. Tinea Cruris
7. He Hate Me
8. NL Supremacy
9. Norfolk State
10. The Kolber Kissers

You Ain't Got No Alibi
11. Huron Heartbreakers

12. Coco's All-Stars

And We're Out

Anyone looking to be a guest Throwback writer? Shoot the Commish an e-mail.

Week 5: Staying Alive

The Preamble
The Throwback does not know what it is but the Beasts of the East each week are looking more and more like this.

There is a lot to be said when 5/6ths of your division is below .500.

At best, the top team in the East, the Kolber Kissers, would be 5th in the West.

But hey Beasts, just remember, "Dre's gonna' be Dre".

The Gloat of the Week

Remember last year when everyone, and I mean, everyone, thought that the high-flying Spartans of Norfolk were going to roll to a magical 13–0 record and that we should go ahead and anoint David Norfolk King of all Southern Charm, Earl of Yards, Duke of Catches, Prince of Points ... erm ... You get the point. What happened? (He finished 8th by the way).

Last season Norfolk banked on the arm of Drew Brees. Not much has changed as Drew Brees is still sporting that NS uni.

Well, they pulled a fast time this week as they racked up a respectable 132 points with this guy.

Congrats to Norfolk State as the can crow at being The Gloat of the Week.

The Goat of the Week

We understand we're breaking rank but we just had to make the Huron Heartbreakers this weeks Goat.

Hear us out, now. Has anyone else noticed that ever since we dubbed Mr. Trice's motley crew the Gloat of the Week that he has since gone an abysmal 0-4? It almost makes crotch rot look good.

The Throwback couldn't resist smashing decorum and giving the Huron Heartbreakers as the Goat of the Week.

Our Very Scientific Power Rankings ... or Ranklings

Ernest Goes to Camp
1. HesAKeeper (Jamie)
2. Who's Ochocinco

Ernest Goes to Jail
3. Bye Weeks Suck
4. Norfolk State
5. Kolber Kissers

Know What I Mean, Verne?
6. NL Supremacy

Ernest Scared Stupid
7. Hen Pen
8. Fighting Gobblers
9. He Hate Me

Ernest Rides Again
10. CoCo's All-Stars

Slam Dunk Ernest
11. Tinea Cruris

Bobby Petrino
12. Huron Heatbreakers

And We're Out

Due to unfortunate circumstances we can't control (or change ... It's not an option), I just wanted to give everyone a head's up that only the division winners will automatically make the playoffs. The next six teams, regardless of what division you are in, will then make it.

No Throwback(?)

Any Takers?
Every few weeks, your humble Commissioner must take a step back and do other things than run this league (believe it or not).

That includes this week, especially today as I am helping with an event tonight that culminates two or so months of work. Also this weekend I will be in the Charm City so, unless there are any volunteers, there will be no Throwback this week.

Conspiracy theorists may assume that it's because of the Commissioner's-backed team falling when everything seemed to be a lock. Well, I say, let the speculators postulate! We all know what happens when you assume ...

If you want to write the Throwback for this week, send me an e-mail ( wbramlett[at]gmail.com ) and I'll give you blog writing powers.

See you next week.

Week Three: Down to Earth

The Preamble
Another new season and some things never seem to change. Take for instance greenhorn Hen Pen. Mr. Henderson takes over the Marx Madness franchise and has yet to turn the team around (meaning, he's still winless).

Some things are still going strong. Take for instance, our humble Commissioner's crushing win over his arch-rival, the Huron Heartbreakers. But, it's the Throwback's opine that every week brings another arch-rival for the boss.

No, wait, this boss.

The Gloat of the Week

If we took a poll of the owner who probably gets the least respect around here, it might just be CoCo's All-Stars Whos Ochocinco [sic].

If we go back in time, you'll find, starting in the year 2000 ... and 6, that Ben B. has placed 7 of 12, 9 of 10, and 9 of 12. Stop ... Maybe that ill-respect is well deserved.

Well, this week, stand up and be proud Chad Johnson inquisitors, you're getting your just desserts.

So, it is with great aplomb that we designate Whos Ochocinco [sic] as The Gloat of the Week.

The Goat of the Week

Will never votes for me.
–David N.

Above was a quote from Norfolk State this past week. Why would anyone with a sane mind vote for a team who drops turds all over the virtual field? When your top scorer is your defense, well, go ahead and suit up.

This week's Goat of the Week is, with great dignity, awarded to the "mighty" Norfolk Junior College.

Our Very Scientific Power Rankings ... or Ranklings

Back by popular demand is the most controversial segment of the Throwback.

Yes folks, get ready to whine, the Throwback is putting you in line.

Crafty Like Foxes
1. HesAKeeper (Jamie)
2. The Kolber Kissers

Not Bad ... Could Be Bett-ah
3. Fighting Gobblers
4. Whos Ochocinco
5. He Hate Me

The Token Dark Horse
6. NL Supremacy

Mediocre w/ A Chance of Meatballs
7. my team sucks
8. Norfolk State
9. Huron Heartbreakers
10. Tinea Cruris

In A League of His Own (That's Not A Good Thing)
11. CoCo's All-Stars

Bobby Petrino's Love Child
12. Hen Pen

And We're Out

After the wheeling and dealing, we're not sure if my team sucks is more this ... or this.

Update Your Bookmarks, Nerds!

Oopsie Daisy
Our esteemed Treasurer, Ben T., has pointed out something very important.

If you bookmarked the old league, you might have noticed ever since we updated to PLUS, there is a glitch in the Matrix.

Indeed, the tyrants at Yahoo! Sports insist on creating a separate, but equal, league when you upgrade. Meaning, the old league, is non-PLUS, and doesn't count for squat.

So, please, please, please. Update your bookmarks, or you may end up playing Dwayne Bowe, even though you thought you benched him ... who much to the chagrin of Mr. Trice and my personal delight, did not play this week.

The Throwback: Deuces Wild

The Preamble
Attention "Oh and Two" Teams, you've been put on notice. Hen Pen and Jared Sucks should probably be pushing one of these this week.

As for them Kolber Kissers and Jam. Davis Manly Keepers, it's all clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose ... That is until the week is over.

For the rest of you, well, there's nothing wrong with being mediocre. I mean, you could be doing much worse. Wait, is that Jamie O’Hara?

So, Week Three, we dub the the Great Week of Reckoning.

The Gloat of the Week

Dear Phil Rivers,

Please, if you are a great and merciful QB, please continue to lose games but keep up your awesome.

Love,
Jared Davis

The Fightin’ Rod Smarts showed the league this past week how you play the game (above average QB play, balanced RBs driving your point, and your complimentary players (TE, Flex, K, Defense) knowing their roles ... and putting up a whopping 75.3 points alone.

So, it is great respect that we dube He Hate Me as The Gloat of the Week.

The Goat of the Week

Coaches like to encourage their players to leave it all on the field.

Unfortunately, CoCo's All-Stars were shining on the bench. Y'know a measly 112 points were begging to be put in. Apparently, GM Salley is not an equal opportunity employer.

This week's Goat of the Week is proudly awarded to CoCo's A.S.s.

Game of the Week

Everyone likes fireworks (if you don't you're letting the terrorists win). We got to see some from Norfolk State and Jared Sucks, really the only game this week that was anywhere within a 10 point margin. I guess the Throwback has to give the game ball over by de-Faulk (Do you see how bad it is? I have resort to these kind of puns).

The Game Ball Goes ...

... to State teammates and bros 4 life, Brees and Frank Gore. If you think this Norfolk team is going to be hit or miss, well, you may be right. This is the guy who did rip off an amazing run last year, winning the first eight games of the season (I'd also like to point out, the Hobbits dropped their first playoff game). Circle Week 5 on your calendars, Gobblers, that's Bree's first bye-week.

And We're Out

Saturday still counts as Week 2, am I right?