Week 5: Staying Alive

The Preamble
The Throwback does not know what it is but the Beasts of the East each week are looking more and more like this.

There is a lot to be said when 5/6ths of your division is below .500.

At best, the top team in the East, the Kolber Kissers, would be 5th in the West.

But hey Beasts, just remember, "Dre's gonna' be Dre".

The Gloat of the Week

Remember last year when everyone, and I mean, everyone, thought that the high-flying Spartans of Norfolk were going to roll to a magical 13–0 record and that we should go ahead and anoint David Norfolk King of all Southern Charm, Earl of Yards, Duke of Catches, Prince of Points ... erm ... You get the point. What happened? (He finished 8th by the way).

Last season Norfolk banked on the arm of Drew Brees. Not much has changed as Drew Brees is still sporting that NS uni.

Well, they pulled a fast time this week as they racked up a respectable 132 points with this guy.

Congrats to Norfolk State as the can crow at being The Gloat of the Week.

The Goat of the Week

We understand we're breaking rank but we just had to make the Huron Heartbreakers this weeks Goat.

Hear us out, now. Has anyone else noticed that ever since we dubbed Mr. Trice's motley crew the Gloat of the Week that he has since gone an abysmal 0-4? It almost makes crotch rot look good.

The Throwback couldn't resist smashing decorum and giving the Huron Heartbreakers as the Goat of the Week.

Our Very Scientific Power Rankings ... or Ranklings

Ernest Goes to Camp
1. HesAKeeper (Jamie)
2. Who's Ochocinco

Ernest Goes to Jail
3. Bye Weeks Suck
4. Norfolk State
5. Kolber Kissers

Know What I Mean, Verne?
6. NL Supremacy

Ernest Scared Stupid
7. Hen Pen
8. Fighting Gobblers
9. He Hate Me

Ernest Rides Again
10. CoCo's All-Stars

Slam Dunk Ernest
11. Tinea Cruris

Bobby Petrino
12. Huron Heatbreakers

And We're Out

Due to unfortunate circumstances we can't control (or change ... It's not an option), I just wanted to give everyone a head's up that only the division winners will automatically make the playoffs. The next six teams, regardless of what division you are in, will then make it.